Memory Tapes
by EidolonLathi
Summary: Modern Day AU. Sometimes Edogai hears and sees things that are not actually there. But being fully aware that his visions are only an illusion isn't making it much easier to deal with them. The fear of rejection thrown into this situation only manages to make the circumstances much worse. [TsurumixEdogai]
1. Adrift

_Summary: Modern Day AU. Sometimes Edogai hears and sees things that are not actually there. But being fully aware that his visions are only an illusion isn't making it much easier to deal with them. The fear of rejection thrown into this situation only manages to make the circumstances much worse. [Tsurumi/Edogai]_

_Author's Note: Chapter 179 with all its implications does not exist in the verse of this fic._

**MEMORY TAPES**

**Chapter 01 - Adrift**

Edogai wasn't delusional. He knew what he was seeing wasn't real. But knowing this did not make it any less upsetting.

The tiger swished its tail and growled, the sound a distorted echo of the sound a housecat would produce.

Of course there actually hadn't been a growl nor the taxidermy of a tiger coming to life. All that was happening was that Edogai's mind had decided that this evening was a good time to act up for no good reason. Not that there ever was such a thing as the right time for his mind to act up.

Edogai sighed. He sometimes heard and saw things he knew weren't real. That did not make it much easier to deal with it whenever that was happening though. At the beginning it just had been the noise. Voices in his head chipping in and giving him their commentary when it wasn't needed. Then the thing with the taxidermies of the animals had started, the illusion making it appear as if some of them were moving and making sounds.

A bitter smile showed up Edogai's face. He prided himself to create replicas of animals that were as lifelike as possible but the thing with them seemingly coming to life went a bit too far. It had been such a long while too since the last time any of this stuff had happened, and now it had suddenly started again, it just was not fair. But well, he had managed to deal with incidents of that kind before, he would manage to deal with it this time as well. He just needed to be a bit patient.

He slouched down further on the couch he was sitting on, staring at the empty screen of the TV in front of him. Next to him the tiger was growling again but Edogai made a point of ignoring it. Maybe he should just turn on the TV and watch something, anything to distract himself from what was happening. Yes, maybe that would be best. He let his gaze wander, searching for the remote.

It was laying on the table on the other side of the room. Of course it was laying on the other side of the room. He felt the reluctance rise in him. He didn't really feel like moving. When he was in the middle of an episode he did not really feel like moving. Edogai couldn't fully explain it but staying still during situations like this one felt like the better thing to do. As if by staying still he could prevent to stir up more illusions.

An owl hanging on the wall of the room started flapping its wings.

Well, there was no helping it, Edogai had to get that remote. Watching TV would at least distract him, it had helped doing so during other times. Reluctantly he stood up.

He had made it halfway across the room when it happened. He could more feel than see the sluggish movement of a shadow creeping across the room, filling out the space with its gloomy presence. Edogai felt his movements freeze. He kept staring ahead, refusing to have a better look at the figure in the corner of his vision.

So one of those had shown up again. Voices talking in his head and the visions of stuffed animals coming back to life, in the meanwhile Edogai had found ways to cope with them. The shadows though? They had only started to show up recently and managed to upset him beyond description. Knowing they were just as unreal as the voices and the visions did not help in the slightest.

Despite knowing better he couldn't help but slowly shift his gaze, giving the phantom a better look. It remained a looming shadow, but the former shapelessness had won a vague clarity now, the faint hints of what was supposed to be limbs, what the head now guessable. Oh yes, that nebulous blob there definitely was supposed to be the head. Despite the creature not having visible eyes or as much as a distinguishable face it was unmistakable that it was staring at Edogai, its gaze never leaving him.

He felt his chest getting heavier. All former plans of crossing the room forgotten Edogai crumbled to the floor, legs deciding on their own they were no longer fit to hold him upright. Not as long as that thing was staring at him, its looming presence of threat slowly expanding further through the room, through the entire house. Edogai tried to no longer look at it but that didn't help. He could still sense that thing was here. Was here despite not existing in the first place.

He wondered what Tsurumi would have said if he could see Edogai right now. Would he judge him? He had been present the last time Edogai's mind had spiralled itself out of control. But back then there had only been the voices present. Edogai had told Tsurumi how ugly things could get at times but Tsurumi had never seen it. People never got how ugly things could become until they had witnessed it for themselves. They never did.

"I don't think he would judge you."

Edogai twitched together. That had been one of his voices. The smartass one. Absentmindedly ordering his bangs he tried ignoring it. He never had started giving his voices names, not to this smartass nor to the other ones, though they were distinguishable. The thing was, by starting to name them he would have allowed to let something escalate, though what that something was Edogai couldn't pin down exactly.

"He knows about the rest too and despite of it never started to withdraw. Don't despair already."

"Leave me alone."

Smartass lowered his voice, sounding almost bashful now: "Look, he saw you naked and didn't run away. Remember how worried you were about that? I'm just saying, okay?"

Edogai huffed, feeling his ears getting hot. Why did that particular voice always have to be so direct, was it too much to ask for it to respect some boundaries? "Easy for you to say. It's me who's getting left when things go wrong and fall apart. Not you."

"I am you. Well, sort of."

Edogai shook his head, not bothering to answer this time. Well, the thing was, annoying as he was, smartass was right. Right enough at least. Sort of.

"You could call him", smartass pointed out, not sounding quite as smug as before.

Edogai froze. In a corner of his vision the shadow was still visible. That thing was odd, its shape somewhere stuck between a human and a beast. There was no living being on earth that looked like this. At least Edogai could say for sure that from all the different animals he had made a taxidermy from he had never encountered one that had looked like this. The advice of the smartass still in mind he let his hand wander to his trouser pocket. True, he had his phone with him. Despite all the mess unfolding during this evening he had his phone right here with him. He glanced at the screen, checking the time. It was evening but not that late actually. Still the time it was acceptable to give other people phone calls.

He really wanted to call Tsurumi.

But that also would have meant he would see Edogai when he was like this. And people didn't react well to Edogai when he was like this.

"That eventually will happen anyway", smartass chipped in.

The guy didn't get it, didn't he? "And if he decides I'm too weird after all and starts withdrawing like everyone else, what then!?"

To this the smartass didn't have an answer, remaining silent entirely. A heavy fog descended on Edogai, the apathy it brought along making it almost impossible to breath. Was that what the voice had tried to tell him? That it was pointless to artificially drag something out that would end soon anyway? Deep from the darkest corner of his mind he felt a self-destructive urge crawl to the surface of his awareness. Almost absentmindedly Edogai gave the shadow looming in the room a quick glance. Yes, maybe the voice had tried to imply just that. Maybe it really was the best idea to call Tsurumi right now. It would be only fair to show him what exactly he had decided to deal with. To give him the choice if seeing this would make him change his mind. About wanting to stay.

Edogai gripped the phone in his hand tightly but didn't move. He wanted to call. He didn't want to call. He wanted to call and see things turning out fine despite his fears. He wanted to call so the end of the unexpected nice events of the last few months would come to the end that seemed so strongly destined for them. Finding someone he got along with, someone who wanted him back: Those things didn't happen. Not to him. In a certain way meeting Tsurumi had been much more unreal than cowering on the floor of his own living room because he was afraid of an odd phantom. Yes, despite being nothing but a figment of his imagination that phantom seemed to be more solid than his memories of Tsurumi in that moment. Because the thing was, sometimes things looked too good to be true because they were. If something seemed like a nice dream than sooner or later you had to wake up from it. Trying to dream on forever never worked out, no matter how much you tried.

Forcing to look for longer than just a short moment Edogai studied the shadow. It had come closer. Despite seemingly not moving it had come closer. And it was still staring at him, gaze cold and merciless out of its hidden eyes. The floor he was sitting on was beginning to feel really hard. Edogai felt a sudden pang of anger rise up in him, hot and sharp around the edges. Getting terrorized by things that weren't even real to begin with, it was pathetic. Why was that terrible thing still staring at him anyway? He felt the urge rising up inside of him to throw something at it, to make it go away, to make it leave him alone. But the only thing near him here on the floor was his phone. His last connection to the world outside of this episode, to reality, whatever that was supposed to mean anyway. His connection to Tsurumi. Hypothetical connection. So Edogai did not throw anything at the phantom.

Edogai could hear a sound and even before he saw what was going on he already knew that this time the unexpected noise hadn't been a figment of his imagination. Seeing his cat enter the room and walking towards him Edogai was unable to stay silent: "Kabuto!"

"Mew."

"Oh, Kabuto, you have no idea how glad I'm to see you right now!"

"Mew?" Kabuto's steps became gradually slower until he had come to a halt entirely. The look he was giving Edogai turned into one of increasing puzzlement. It usually was the look reserved for whenever his cat was baffled increased mewling wouldn't lead to more food showing up in his bowl but right now the cat looked like this even though there was nothing to eat involved.

It wasn't the first time Kabuto reacted overwhelmed when seeing Edogai during one of his episodes. He couldn't blame the animal for it. "Kabuto, it's fine. Things have just been a bit unexpected this evening."

The demeanour of his cat stayed sceptical.

"Kabuto, it's fine. Things are fine." They were. Edogai knew what was happening in his head and what in reality after all. He knew it. The thing was just, growling tigers and creeping black shapes were upsetting to deal with either way. If you had a really bad nightmare it managed to mess with you too, sometimes even after waking up if it had been especially disturbing. It was a similar principle, nothing else.

His cat seemed to have no patience for either nightmare or hallucination. For a moment Kabuto swished his tail left and right, appearing like he was at loss what to do. Then he gave Edogai a sharp and sceptical look and the next moment he was already turning around, swiftly leaving the room.

Edogai looked after his cat long after the animal was gone. He couldn't blame Kabuto for feeling cautious but seeing things turn out like this had hurt anyway.

The shadow had crawled closer again. It looked more like a person than an animal after all. Like a person standing on all fours despite not being meant to walk like that.

Edogai was still gripping his phone. True, Kabuto reacted puzzled most of the time Edogai's mind decided to act up but once that was over his cat always came back to him anyway. Without having to be coerced to, the animal just decided things were fine again and that he wanted to be around Edogai again. The cat did that and that though you couldn't explain to an animal what was going on.

Just because it had worked out all the previous times didn't mean things would work out this time as well.

Edogai glanced at his phone screen, checking the time again. It was getting late after all, if he wanted to call he had to do it right now. Well, of course he could always just write a text. But this situation was one of those where you either gave a call or let it be entirely, he could feel that. The cat always came back. Tsurumi loved cats. Edogai was an idiot for getting his hopes up. With hands that were slightly shaking he made the call.

The sound of the connection being made almost knocked his breath out of him. Even if he decided to hang up right now Tsurumi would still see Edogai had tried to call him. Would most likely ask what that had been about. He always was asking about things like that. (Was that what it was like when someone cared about you?) Well, Edogai could just say he had dialled the number per accident. He felt his face getting hot, this time taking a panting breath for real. In a way saying something like this was much worse than talking about why this entire evening had been so annoying.

The sound of the phone getting picked up was enough to make it impossible for Edogai to breathe in for a moment.

"Yes?" One small word. One small word seeming more real and solid than absolutely everything that had happened in the last few hours.

Edogai started talking, feeling like the arriving blush was already setting his entire head on fire. "Uhm... hey, it's me."

A subtle shift happened in the atmosphere between them. Edogai could feel it before Tsurumi continued talking, voice now all serious: "Edogai. Is it you?"

"Um. Yes. It's me. Listen, the reason I'm calling is actually not that serious. Something small just came up, and I was wondering if you would have the time to help me?"

The atmosphere between them had become so tense, you could practically cut the air with a dull knife. "What is it? Tell me. Are you at home right now?"

"What? Um, yes. I'm at home, yes. It's nothing serious. Dealing with it by myself has just gotten annoying, sort of."

"Tell me."

Well, Edogai had to do that now, hadn't he? That's why he had called. To let Tsurumi know his chronic little problem had gotten a bit out of hand today. "It's nothing serious. So. Okay. Do you remember that time I started hearing those... my voices out of a sudden?"

"Sure."

"Well, it's not that bad, but something similar just started happening and..."

"I'm coming over!"

"What? You don't have to. I mean, you don't have to, if you don't want to."

"I'm coming over. Are you at home right now?", Tsurumi asked, voice urgent.

Edogai nodded, needing a second to realize Tsurumi couldn't see him right now. "Yes."

"You stay where you are, okay? I'm there in an instant."

This time Edogai remembered to say something before he nodded. A few more words exchanged the tense space between them and then their call was already over. Feeling slightly lagged he looked at the now silent phone in his hand. That hadn't happened how he had imagined it. Well, not that Edogai had imagined anything in detail about that call. But he had assumed that a lot more explaining on his part would have been needed. And he hadn't expected Tsurumi would have suggested coming over by himself. It was all very puzzling. Not bad, not at all. Just... puzzling.

Edogai saw a movement in the corner of his eyes. The taxidermy of the owl had just flapped its wings again and yawned. The black spectre was still standing in the room, still staring at him. Out of a sudden Edogai felt his rage from before flare up again. Pity he had nothing to throw at the thing. Before he knew what was happening he had already addressed the phantom: "You know what? Fuck you! Fuck you thoroughly!" With this he was already standing up, using the anger of the moment to pass the phantom and leave the room. Tsurumi had said he would be here soon, so it would be best to just wait at the front door or something. That phantom wouldn't hinder him to do that, as if!

And it hadn't! There, he already was at the front door, all he had to do now was being patient for a little while longer. Edogai put his hand into his trouser pocket, fingertips tracing the edges of the phone but not taking it out. He was glad he hadn't thrown it.


	2. Halogen Flicker

**Chapter 02 - Halogen Flicker**

Edogai had no idea how long he was waiting at the door like that. Compared to before it was eerily silent. Neither was his cat passing along his way and not even the smartass was chipping in with one of his comments. Edogai sighed. He knew exactly why he usually tried to distract himself with watching TV when those things happened. He looked at the animal taxidermies visible from where he was standing. Some North American sort of deer, a rabbit and some birds mounted to the walls. All of them were silent, neither moving nor making any sound. For now.

Hearing the doorbell Edogai practically twitched together in shock. He opened the door and then Tsurumi was already standing in front of him, the concern on his face apparent. He looked more real and solid than anything Edogai had seen today, more real than the moving mounts of animals, than the phantom, even more real than Kabuto who had acted so atypical due to the confusion this situation had brought upon the sensitive cat.

It was Tsurumi who broke the foggy tension between them: "How are you doing?" He sounded a lot more solid than anything Edogai had heard during the last few hours too. Especially more solid and real than the smartass.

For a moment Edogai couldn't meet his eyes anymore, using the excuse to let Tsurumi in and locking the door again to avoid his gaze. "Fine." That had been a lie. "I mean, fine enough, I guess."

"It's just, because you look so pale", Tsurumi said, voice quiet. When Edogai turned around he could see that Tsurumi's expression was completely serious, overflowing with worry.

Edogai shrugged his shoulders. He didn't know how he was supposed to deal with people worrying about him. As far as he could tell Tsurumi cared enough about him, probably. At least that's how things had felt until now. But the thing was, until now Edogai had never given him a reason to truly worry.

Well, the thing with the voices that other time aside.

When Tsurumi continued talking he was lowering his voice, trying to keep the upset out of it: "You told me those shadow things were turning up."

"They were." Edogai shrugged his shoulders. He hated having to talk about those things. "I'm fully aware they're not real either. They just look weird, so it keeps freaking me out anyway."

Tsurumi gave him a long and serious look. Or maybe it only looked so utterly serious because in the artificial light of the room that forehead protector of his kept casting those deep shadows on his eyes. Tsurumi nodded, short and briskly, looking like he had come to a decision. "You definitely look too pale, yes." He took Edogai's hand, grip light and gentle. "You need some tea. This will help to get some colour back into your face." With this he led Edogai into the kitchen.

Not knowing what to say Edogai just followed along, sitting down at the kitchen table while feeling overwhelmed in an oddly comforting way. He leaned his chin onto his hand, silently watching how Tsurumi was preparing their tea. Not once did he need to ask where any of the items he needed were located; in the meanwhile he had become familiar with this room.

"That's kind of a nice feeling, huh?", the smartass said.

The sudden commentary let Edogai twitch together. Why did that guy always have to do this? Chipping in out of a sudden like this. Nothing of this here was his business anyway, it didn't concern him! Forcing himself to remain silent Edogai only huffed.

Tsurumi had noticed anyway. He turned around, giving Edogai a questioning look.

With great effort Edogai managed to hold his gaze. "Not you. One of the voices was being annoying."

"Thought so", Tsurumi said, getting their tea ready and putting a box of cookies next to it too before he took a seat at the table. "Eat some. You still look too pale."

The sentiment sounded kind of logical. Glad to have an excuse to have something to do now Edogai took one of the cookies, taking a small bite. Once he started eating he realized how hungry he actually felt. And that though he had in fact eaten dinner before the rest of the evening had decided to go to hell. He looked at the clock hanging at the wall. Fine, okay, it had gotten sort of late after all. Feeling like something akin to a structure was gradually coming back to this mess he took a second cookie.

Tsurumi was holding his mug of tea in his hands, holding it and that though the tea still was too hot to drink. The ticking of the clock sounded quiet, a monotone rhythm undisturbed by anything that was going on around of it. "What about the voices? Is everything still going on strongly?", Tsurumi finally asked.

Edogai shook his head, glad the cookie he was eating prevented him from having to answer immediately: "Most of it has started to go away again. The voice chipping in just now, well, every time it decides to show up it keeps commenting on things though no one asked it to. That one is mostly annoying. Compared to the other things it's harmless though, actually."

"I see." The worry in Tsurumi's voice had lessened but the look he was giving Edogai still was one of concern. "And the rest?"

Edogai took his mug, checking if the tea was still too hot to drink. It indeed seemed to be. "There was that black shadow. It wasn't saying anything but just kept dumbly standing around. Those things are just creepy."

"Is it still around?"

With a sigh Edogai looked towards the kitchen door. It was open, leading into the corridor. "Haven't seen it around for a while now. I think... I guess most of the things are in the process of stopping right now."

"Otherwise tell me, if something is showing up again."

"Hm." Edogai nodded, picking up his mug again. The tea in it was drinkable now. Careful he took a tiny sip. When was the last time he had something to drink anyway? The last few hours had gone over in a rush but at the same time they had felt very long. Edogai continued drinking his tea, pretending he didn't feel Tsurumi's gaze on him. In the background the clock was still ticking. The only other sound in the room was the silent buzzing of the fridge. Time felt like it had started to function normally again. That was good.

Edogai glanced over his mug at Tsurumi: "Thank you for coming over."

For a moment Tsurumi's eyes widened, only slightly so. Then he lowered his gaze, adjusting the leather straps of his forehead protector. "I told you that you can call me any time it happens."

To this Edogai didn't know what to say. Just because someone had said something like that didn't always mean they actually meant it. Not when it came to things like that. Especially not when it came to things like that.

Edogai was glad he had the mug to hold on to. "I think I managed to scare Kabuto. Earlier I mean."

The look in Tsurumi's eyes turned sympathetic. "I'm sure he'll recover. Cats always do."

"Hm." Probably. It was a terrible feeling anyway to upset a small creature you were responsible for.

"Cats always do", Tsurumi insisted. He took their now empty mugs, putting them into the sink.

"You are probably right."

"Tomorrow your cat will have forgotten about it, you'll see." He stepped closer to Edogai, leaning down and giving him a short and soft kiss into his hair.

Edogai went still, feeling his blush from much earlier returns. Silently he leaned into the touch, hands clenching into fists now that he no longer had a mug to hold on. Tsurumi gave him a second kiss, this time on his temple. "Things will work out again, we'll see to that", Tsurumi said, sitting down at the table again.

Edogai shrugged his shoulders, realizing his blush had decided that it had come to stay. His face felt so hot.

Tsurumi nodded as an answer, a weight that had lingered around his eyes disappearing. The next moment his hands returned to his head gear, absentmindedly fidgeting around with it.

Edogai gave him a thoughtful look. "Everything alright?"

A self-conscious smile showed up on Tsurumi's face. "Everything's fine. It's just that I had that thing here on the entire day." Looking like he had overcome a dilemma he started untying the straps, taking the thing off entirely. He gave Edogai a sharp look. "I'm allowed to do that now."

"Oh!"

"I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday." He gestured to the scar on his forehead. "Now that this thing here stopped leaking and... things have become less fragile."

That was great! "That's good then."

"It is", Tsurumi said, slightly smiling. The expression didn't reach his eyes.

"But... what else is there?"

Tsurumi lowered his gaze and shook his head. "Nothing serious. It's just about time I decide what I want to do with the rest."

"You mean getting that metal plate?"

"Yes, this."

Edogai felt his stomach drop. The prospect Tsurumi might got surgery in where his skull got cut open once again sounded threatening. There was medical stuff with not much risk involved and there was... the other kind. Edogai felt a bitter smile show up on his face. Thanks to his garbage pile of a mother much of the last few years Edogai had been confronted with doctors asking him if he wanted to get treatment methods involving the other kind. He had always ended up deciding against it. The truth was, there was a certain point where things were this much broken that attempting to fix them would only make things worse again. Sometimes it made more sense to accept life had just given you out terrible cards and then deal with it the best way you could. He could still decide to pick the other kind of treatment once certain issues became actually urgent. Edogai shook his head, trying to stop thinking about that stuff. The evening had been upsetting enough without any of this.

He looked up at Tsurumi. "So, you're thinking if you should get the metal plate after all?"

"Yes. I need to know before they're going to try and fix the skin." Tsurumi took another cookie. "If I'm going to fix the skin at all", he mumbled between bites.

Edogai nodded as a sign that he was listening. He could feel there was still something on Tsurumi's mind. Something big.

Tsurumi gave Edogai another look, last bit of hesitation in his demeanour leaving. "You know the thing is this: The way things have healed up now, nothing that could lead to further problems is around to fix anymore, actually. I mean, even the wound stopped leaking and everything. Things looked different when that still was an issue."

"That sounds good, doesn't it?"

Tsurumi took a resolute bite of his cookie. "It does, actually. Even the pain stopped, for the most part. If I start messing around with the wound again then everything will just start getting difficult to deal with again." He glared at the half eaten cookie as if it had just insulted him. "Not only with the implant. But with getting the skin fixed too. Nothing but pain and effort again. And that now, when everything finally is beginning to feel alright again." He looked up again, showing an exhausted smile. "There's no urgent need to get anything on my face fixed right now. Aside from the part that the scar makes me ugly as sin, obviously."

Not obvious at all! "You're no ugly at all. You look perfect the way you are." Edogai hadn't even planned to say anything. But hearing this sentiment had felt like getting a splash of cold water into his face, of course there was no way he could have stayed silent.

Tsurumi's smile froze into place, disbelieve gleaming up behind his eyes. "Maybe... I wouldn't say perfect."

"Well, for me you are." Edogai huffed, folding his arms in front of his chest. "You're not implying I was just lying, aren't you?"

Tsurumi held Edogai's gaze. The last trace of his sad smile was still present on his face. "That's not how I meant it", he said, sounding resigned

"I know." Edogai looked towards the kitchen door. There still was no dark shadow looming around. The thing seemed to be gone for good. And well, if it dared to return he would just throw something at it until it stopped bothering him. Edogai gave Tsurumi a serious look: "I'm just saying you make things too complicated. I often tend to make the same, so it's not like I don't understand. I'm just saying: If you believe what I just said then it's good, right?"

Tsurumi sighed but the smile showing up on his face right now was a genuine one. "It's good like this, yes." He ate the last piece of his cookie, looking at the clock. "It's gotten late. You should go to sleep. I'm allowed to say that; I'm supposed to look after you right now after all."

"Yeah. Yeah, it's late, I don't even know when that happened."

"I can stay over if you want to."

Edogai felt his eyes widen. Of course he wanted to. "Only if it's no effort for you."

Tsurumi shook his head, a gleam showing up behind his eyes that looked downright daring. "No effort at all. Today I even remembered bringing my toothbrush with me."

Hearing this Edogai had to laugh. "Well, then there's nothing stopping us right now."

There really wasn't anything trying to stop them. All the way upstairs there was no dark shadow to be spotted and the taxidermies and voices stayed silent too. As they should, Edogai crankily thought, staring into the bathroom mirror while brushing his teeth.

Everything that had happened today was indeed exhausting. Today had been dumb, period.

Looking into the bathroom mirror Edogai's restless gaze came to a halt at Tsurumi standing next to him, brushing his teeth as nothing was the matter. Edogai felt his messy thoughts come to a halt, his face turning hot. Well, maybe not everything that had happened today had been completely terrible.

By the time they were ready to crawl into bed Edogai was too exhausted to feel self-conscious anymore. He cuddled up to Tsurumi, following an urge laying heavy in his chest that felt almost painful. It was a bit scary how familiar all of this already felt. Like something that had always been meant to be and had just waited for the right opportunity to finally arrive.

"You can sleep now", Tsurumi said, strengthening the hold of his arms around Edogai and pulling him closer. His words had sounded almost absentminded and for some reason Edogai had the feeling Tsurumi had been talking about more than just the mess of this evening.

"Let's sleep then", Edogai agreed, leaning on his elbow and turning off the light of the lamp standing of the bedside table. The next moment Tsurumi was already pulling him closer to himself again, with an urgency that felt almost desperate. Edogai could sympathize with the feeling. It was odd, though they had met only a few months ago it felt like it actually had been nothing but a fated event that always had been supposed to be and to everyone's distress had arrived with a heavy delay. But it was kind of nice to see Tsurumi felt the same way, with him still holding on like this. Not bothering to hide a content sigh Edogai leaned into their embrace and cuddled closer.

They had already halfway dozed off when Edogai could hear soft steps coming closer and then the mattress was already dipping in due to a light weight. "Kabuto!"

His cat stayed silent, still moving around on the bed, trying to decide where the best spot right now would be for him to rest.

"I'm sorry, I forget to close the door", Edogai said.

"That's not a problem at all. Right, kitty? Yes, the kitty just decided he wanted to say hello. Yes but hello there, nice to see you too."

Edogai had to smile. Apparently Kabuto had decided the best place to rest right now was next to Tsurumi. But only a moment later the cat set itself into motion again, rubbing its head against Edogai's hand, obviously taking the stance that if two people were present that meant that it was only fair both of them would give a lonely cat in need their attention.

A reasonable wish. Gently Edogai started scratching the spot behind Kabuto's ear. He felt his lungs getting heavy. The last time he had seen Kabuto the poor thing had looked so confused and now he was already back, demanding to get petted. So maybe things were alright again or at least on the road to become alright again.

Next to him Tsurumi had went very still. "See? I told you things with your cat would work out again."

Edogai had to swallow down a lump in his throat before he felt like being able to talk again. "Yes."

Deciding he had gotten enough pats Kabuto set himself into motion again, curling up at another corner of the bed. The atmosphere the cat was giving off was one of peaceful drowsiness.

"Your cat is a good cat. He just needs a bit of space sometimes."

"He is a good cat, yes", Edogai agreed, scooting closer to Tsurumi again.

"No wonder with him getting your attention all day", Tsurumi sighed, leaning over and placing a soft kiss on Edogai's forehead.

Edogai had to think for a moment. "You sound almost envious."

"Not 'almost'. I am envious. The cat gets to be around you the entire time, I hope he realizes how lucky he is."

Now Edogai had to laugh. "With you pointing things out like this, I'm sure he does. He is a good cat after all." Minding to move careful in this darkness Edogai leaned over, giving Tsurumi a soft kiss on the lips before softly asking: "Is it really that nice to be around me then?"

"It absolutely is. In fact, I can't get enough of it", Tsurumi whispered, kissing Edogai gently on the lips.

Almost despite himself Edogai had to smile. He wasn't capable to do much else, he really was tired in the meanwhile. He had already halfway dozed off, the last coherent thought in his mind before fully succumbing to sleep being that there was no better way to fall asleep than doing so while being held by Tsurumi.

Almost everything that had happened today had been exhausting. But despite of this today had not been entirely dumb. The voices and the taxidermies acting as if they were alive eventually would return. Most likely even those creepy black shadows would come back. But for some reason Edogai had the feeling that dealing with them next time would be a little bit less upsetting than it had been today.

**The End**

_AN: This fic is also cross-posted to ao3. _


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